Forgiveness.

Well, I need to take a step away from my weight loss blog. I think you'll understand. But I do want to add that through it all I haven't gained a pound ... I haven't lost any either but I'm good with staying the same for the most part.

My dad passed away on September 2nd. One day after his birthday. He was 86 years old. I knew he wouldn't live forever ... but it's dad ... somehow I always expected he would just be there. His passing was a long process and he surely wasn't ready to let go. It was excruciating watching him suffer and fight a battle that could never be won. In the end, he passed while I talked to him and held his hand. It was sad and good all at the same time.

Today we went to Portland to pick up his cremation remains and went to lunch at an Irish Pub with my sister and her husband. We had a Guiness on the table for Dad ... we all took a drink and then made a toast to him with our own ... To Bob.

On the way to Portland I talked to Tim about forgiveness. Tim said forgiveness is about what's in your own head. You only have to 'forgive' someone if it makes you feel better, or in rare instances if someone is begging your forgiveness. I would say that I am typically not a forgiving person. I tend to hold a grudge. Not good but I'm working on it.  When I was talking to Dad, I told him I forgave him and I hoped he forgave me ... we had some issues though our time on this planet together and I wanted him to know that none of that mattered anymore, that he was my Dad and I loved him and it was all good.

And then he took his last breathe. I will always always always remember that last breathe. But in the days and now weeks after, everything I think about my Dad is good. I think because of forgiveness.

He wasn't a great father, but he was my father. 

That not only made him special - it made me special.

I love you Dad.

- Kimbaleigh

Robert Edward Kavanagh

1924 - 2010

McDonalds. On A Diet.

I get the same thing when I go to McDonalds. Two GRILLED chicken snack wraps, no sauce and a small diet coke. 380 calories and $4.26.

I pull into my local McDonalds, which I might add is the worst McDonalds on the planet; I am pleasantly surprised that there are no cars in the drive thru. To give you an idea of how slow they are, if it’s pouring rain or 22 below zero and there’s a line of cars, I will go inside to order, which is stupid because it never seems to be any quicker. I might as well sit in the car and listen to Jim Rome even if it’s  static-y  instead of standing in 1 line of too many people, sidestepping sticky coke or whatever it is that’s always spilled on the floor.

I pull up to the speaker and wait….wait some more … and some more .  At last, a voice, “One moment please”.  What the hell?  I already waited one moment and there’s not another car here? I think it’s common practice at all fast food drive thru’s, that once you are in the drive thru lane you are IN the drive thru lane. There’s no escaping. I am more or less a hostage.

Eventually the voice is back. ‘Welcome to McDonalds would you like to order a frappe or smoothie today?”  I ignore the questions, I have had ample time to figure out my order, which I already knew , and incidentally, I don’t want fries with my order either if that’s the next question (I do want them but I’m not having them).

Me:  Two grilled chicken snack wraps with no sauce (FYI no sauce is McDonaldspeak, I used to say ‘plain’ but have learned code is ‘no sauce’) and a small diet coke.

Me reading the Screen:  One chicken Snack Wrap. And then … nothing else…hello?

Me: Wondering if there’s anyone there …that’s TWO snack wraps.

Voice: What kind of sauce do you want? We have Ranch, BBQ and Honey Mustard.

Me in my Head:  Honey Mustard! I should get that! No you shouldn’t you said NO SAUCE, honey mustard is empty calories.

 Me to the Voice: No Sauce (with exasperation).  I’m pretty sure McDonalds should hold a seminar on how to listen and retain.

Voice: Did you want a fries or a drink with that?

Me:  (Saw that coming) Small diet coke.

Voice: What size diet coke?

Me: Small.

Voice: That will be $4.23.

I know it’s not $4.23 because it’s always $4.26 and because that’s what it said on the screen, $4.26. Whatever.

Amazingly paying wasn’t an issue and double amazingly, I pull up to the second window and my order was ready! That never EVER happens. And sidebar, whoever thought it was a good idea to put the straw in the bag instead of handing it to me with my drink is an asshole. When you hand me my drink and then make me wait for my ‘straw in the bag’ with my order, I suddenly get really thirsty and hate you a lot.

Window opens, bag out the window, handed my diet coke and holding a straw in her hand says “Is there a straw in your bag?”  I look because it’s the right thing to do instead of just driving off, and mostly because I really want a straw “Yes, there’s a straw, there’s actually two of them” I say as I hand the extra straw back to her to keep with my potential third straw.

Did I mention McDonalds is 10 minutes away? So you really want to check your order before you leave. That’s my excuse for eating in the car. Still in the parking lot, right turn signal on I suddenly think to myself, wait a minute, that went way to fast, I bet these are crispy chicken.  Pull one out and I notice there’s no white slip on it that I think indicates a ‘special GRILLED chicken’ order, unwrap and no surprise … crispy chicken. Left turn signal now on to renter the drive thru. Annoyed.

Of course now there are cars in the drive thru and I have to wait to re-order. I hate waiting. I get to the speaker:  “Welcome to McDonalds would you like to order a frappe or smoothie today?”    Then I see on the screen …2 chicken snack wraps …. in the middle of my disbelief I hear “Drive to the second window please”.  I would have driven to the second window, but I had to wait for the other cars. Annoyed. I get there, hand them my crispy bag, she hands me a bag and says “We got it right this time, and we put some fries in there for you too”.  Great because I want fries, but I don’t want them and I hate you. Willpower won and I did what I always do to food I don’t want to be tempted to eat, I poured some of my diet coke on them and ruined them. I win.

Alas, I am on my way back to work with my icy cold diet coke and my two grilled chicken snack wraps with no sauce and I know they are grilled because I saw the white ‘grill’ slip on them!  Unwrap,  take a bite and really?  Honey mustard.